Thursday, January 13, 2011


Since the girls' birthday is coming up, and it will be here before I know it, I've started writing their "letters" so I don't get to the day and start scrambling and writing in a hurry (which I do far too often,... hello, 10on2sday posts...)

Anyway, as I was writing notes on all the little things that make my girls who they are, I had an epiphany.

This is why I stay at home.

When we lived in St. Louis and I worked full time, Evan spent the majority of his waking hours in the care of someone else.  I had the commute to work, so Dan did the majority of the dropping off and picking up from daycare.

One of the few times I was at the daycare, one of the gals who watched him during the day asked me a question about his routine. 

And I was silent.

I had no idea.  I don't even remember how I responded to her, but I remember full well the thought that was going through my mind... You know his routine better than I do.

In fact, we just followed the same routine that the daycare did.  Naps, feeding, whatever. 

I cried inside.

And I wanted to be home with my child. 

It wasn't feasible at the time, but it never left me. 

As a college student dreaming of having a career, it never once occurred to me that I would want to be a stay-at-home-mom.  I always knew I'd have kids, but it was never even a thought in my mind how I would take care of them, or who would take care of them.

So the desire to stay at home, even though I enjoyed my job, my career, was a very strange feeling. 

And then we found out we were having twins.

Dan and I are both pretty logical people (hello, logistics majors) so we did the math.  Daycare is expensive.

And God knew the desires of my heart.

So, to the point of my epiphany.

Sometimes I take this time with my children for granted.

I have lots of days that I think about going back to work, and it's really strange how the tables have turned.  Although, I will admit, it's usually the days where my children all need something at the exact same time and they express their desires rather LOUDLY, and often... and most likely when I'm in the bathroom.

And I needed the reminder of why I wanted to stay at home in the first place. 

I don't ever want someone else to know more about my children than I do.

And this is a decision for our family that I will never, ever, regret.

[I hope this does not come across as a guilt trip for working Mom's, believe me! I've been there and done that and felt the guilt, and I have the utmost regard and respect for women who do.  I often times wonder if I would have stayed home had we not had twins... and I really couldn't say.]


Christy said...

amen, amen, amen. no regrets. i hear you and i agree!!! on the hardest days i remind myself that there really is no where else i'd rather be.

Life in Eden said...

I think this is THE main reason I wound up at home -- I didn't want someone else to know them better. Well put.

(thanks for coming by TCM!)

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