Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Mommy Guilt

I'm tired of the Mommy Guilt. 

I think all Mommy's know what Mommy Guilt is, since it's something that gets delivered to you right along with your first child - in fact, it might even get handed to you at conception, heck even when you first start thinking about having a child. 

I have done an ok job of accepting my Mommy Guilt and realizing that it will be a part of my life no matter if I stay at home, work outside the home, and no matter the decisions I make regarding my children. The shoulda, coulda, woulda of parenting.

But right now my Mommy Guilt is at an all time high.

We got the results back from Avery's allergy testing on Monday.

She is for sure allergic to milk, and borderline for peanut, egg & bananas (sure enough, bananas).

I'm really trying to sort my emotions about this right now... mostly the feelings that I have essentially been poisoning her for her entire 15+ months of life by giving her milk... such a helpless, horrible feeling.  (as a side note... milk is in A LOT of what we eat)

I realize that is a slightly irrational emotion, afterall, I didn't know.  But it doesn't mean that I don't still have those feelings running through my brain. 

I was very concerned she wouldn't transition well to soy milk, but so far she has.  She's been a bit cranky on and off since yesterday, but I'm also thinking it's teeth coming in, and hoping it's not the soy milk.  (there's that darn Mommy Guilt again)

Now hop on over to this morning as I'm getting breakfast ready.  We eat bananas all the time.  The kids love them.  I love them.  Dan loves them.  Avery can't have them.  I give her some cantaloupe.  I give Evan and Brynn bananas.  She sees the bananas.  She freaks out.  She wants bananas.   Mommy Guilt.

The good news is once her skin clears up we will be able to try adding the "borderline" foods back into her diet and see how she reacts.

I've been digging through all my pictures trying to find one that will show just how awful her skin looked, and I'm thinking you'll be able to see it on this one, although this wasn't even as bad as it got.

We were also given a Rx cream for her skin by the allergist, and it only took one application for her skin to look nearly perfect.  I was so excited that her skin has looked so good the past week, that I was really hoping the results would come back with no allergies.


It didn't, and we will just make the adjustments we need to.  And I'll go on accepting the Mommy Guilt for what it is and just do the best I can.


The Family said...

Never doubt what a great Mommy you are, Lori! Your kids are super lucky to have you in their life. And hang in there as you deal with the allergies- and just remember that no bananas means no skin issues.

Debbie said...

*hug* I was recently diagnosed with similar food allergies (except mine may also include gluten) and for months I have suffered from debilitating eczema as a direct result of my allergies.

I want to encourage you to not beat yourself up, because her symptoms are certainly something you can't be faulted for! I pray you and little Avery feel better soon!

Debbie said...

P.S. Cherrybrook Kitchen and Enjoy Life food brands make really yummy milk-free snacks and baking supplies!

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